The Things You Do For Your Friends
by Erizawa Hoshi
Summary: It is Kira's birthday, will he ever admit the truth or will he always rely on the alcohol. At least he'll always have Renji and the gang to help him through it. Attempt at humour, so sue me!


"Truth or Dare

"Truth or Dare!" Proclaimed Renji with a wry drunken smile as he passed Kira his ninth sake cup of the evening. "C'mon Kira, it's your birthday, and you _are _a girl, so we must play some girly party games."

"Then we cut your fringe and put your bra in the freezer," laughed Hisagi, poking him with his foot.

Kira blushed, every year Renji did this to him, he'd insist they did something new and fun and special. But he'd always end up bringing Hisagi, Matsumoto and the 11th squad crowd round to his apartment with a wide range of alcohol they had all supplied from their extensive collections and make every effort to get him drunk and embarrass each other.

Matsumoto leered drunkenly and cackled,

"You're just _chicken_!"

Kira sighed, feeling very old surrounded by so many of his friends, so totally rat arsed that they couldn't even see straight.

"Fine, we can play 'Truth or Dare' but then we stop drinking and do something _I_ want to do. And I don't want to go first, and _please_ keep the Dares vaguely sensible."

Everyone booed. Then again no one but Kira recalled last year's horror when trying to explain to 4th exactly what Matsumoto had done with that bottle of carpet cleaner. But still, the birthday boy, being a party pooper! Unheard of! Renji however, acquiesced and reached for the sake bottle.

"Right! Go on then. Truth me bitches!"

Ikkaku grinned evilly and fixed him with a shrewd eye.

"Then… who put that live fish in Yumichika's underwear draw last summer?"

Renji made every effort to put on a remorseful face, but the alcohol only served to make him dissolve in a fit of giggles.

"That would be me."

The look on the vain 11th squadder's face was priceless.

"Abarai! I am _never_ speaking to you again. Consider this acquaintance _terminated!_ I had to throw awayall of my silk boxers you absolute _ass!_" he screamed hysterically before storming out, stopping only to steal the last of the nasty apple brandy.

There was a pause.

"KIRA'S TURN!"

Everyone turned to the birthday boy, as Renji took up the mantle of quizmaster, his past faux pas resigned to history, everyone knew Yumichika would forgive him eventually, before making a pass at him. More booze for them.

"Then, Izuru _chan_… is it the truth that your dearest wish is to bone your captain?"

Kira spluttered and grew very red, very fast.

"Renji!! I am not answering that!"

The rest of the guests nodded sagely, with mutters of 'ah yes that means he does, obviously, what that skinny fellow? indeed.'

The red haired 6th squadder patted him on the arm.

"It's not such an awful thing Kira… I mean he's creepy, but I'm sure one day he'll realise how truly rapeable you are, come to his senses and have you bent over the desk. All the good captain's do."

Kira was sent into a state of shock.

"RENJI! I can't believe you just said that! What would _Kuchiki_ Taicho say about that?"

The tattooed shinigami smirked.

"Something like 'Oh God Renji, harder' usually suffices."

Everyone nodded again like old men. The 11th squadders all exchanged painful looks and shifted uncomfortable.

"Our Taicho is brutal…" Ikkaku seemed lost in a sore memory. "At least Ichimaru doesn't look like he'd last all that long, it's the ones with stamina you gotta look out for."

Kira couldn't believe he was hearing this.

"GUYS! Please! This is my captain you're talking about, he's a very great and impressive shinigami."

"Sure! '_Great_' shinigami, I think we all know what _he's_ talking about," Matsumoto snorted before falling backwards over her chair with a squeal of, "Don't mind me!"

"_Any_way," Renji tented his fingers, nodding towards his young blonde friend. "If Kira harbours a secret desire to be fucked senseless by that odd skinny freak whilst crying and tearing at the paper strewn desk, his fringe in his eyes, plastered to his soft pale forehead with tears and sweat and maybe a little blood, then that is ENTIRELY up to him."

Everyone blinked, even Yumichika, who had returned in order to collect his 'I'm sorry' grope from Renji.

"Uh………… Abarai? You ok?"

Kira had never blushed so deeply in his life. Almost in tears he whispered,

"Renji… do you really mean that? You really are such a good friend. I've never bee so touched in all my life."

"Except by Gin!" trilled the only woman in the room, before she passed out from blood loss to the head.

Renji sighed and batted Kira away.

"Just _go_. Find your captain. Enjoy your birthday! We can do this next year."

It was all Kira could do to stop from squeeing as he drunkenly hugged his friends, made sure Matsumoto was still breathing and left. Hisagi sighed and poured himself another drink.

"Do you think he'll have the guts to do it tonight? Or will we have to wait and get him drunk again on his next birthday."

Renji growled, making every effort to avoid a buggering from an all too emotional Yumichika.

"I wish that Ichimaru would just work it out and nail him already!"

The three nodded and sighed together. The things you did for your friends, especially on their birthday.

**TEH END**:Ok I'm sorry. This was total nonsense. It stemmed from a discussion my sister and I were having, what with it being March 27th, and the birthday of Kira Izuru. I decided to just dash off a little party for him. I hope this year Ichimaru does realise, poor Kira… R&R my lovelies, R&R!


End file.
